Dhunjisha strikes a deal on Hormuz

Dhunjisha strikes a deal on Hormuz

by Rukshad Bhagwagar

This Sunday morning I walked across to my neighbour Dhunjisha’s ‘Naju Mansion’ in Byramji Town to say hello. I was surprised to see him sitting at the head of his 24-seater dining table, dating back to the Ying dynasty (valued by Christie’s at 8.9 Cr), along with what seemed like two delegations full of important-looking men in suits!

“Good morning, Dikra”, said Dhunjisha, “ Nice surprise, welcome! Let me introduce you to these friends here. This is my old buddy M. Rubio; he is leading the American delegation, and here, heading the Iran delegation is my old Oxford buddy Abbas. We have just started our summit, but please do join us, Dikra!”

“Are you sure?” I asked “This seems like some very important meeting; I can come back later”

“Nonsense, Dikra. We can all do with your company, you see, that Ghelsuppo, Ghadero Trump (it’s ok, Dikra, they don’t follow Gujarati ) can’t solve the problem he started, and all negotiations have failed, so both nations have come here and have appealed to me to be the mediator! Dikra, today I was supposed to look into the servicing of my vintage 1933 Rolls Royce for which the engineers have already arrived from London, but how do I say no to these old friends and to restoring world peace!”

“That’s amazing of you, Dhunjisha”, I said

“But nothing on an empty stomach, Dikra. So have ordered a good Parsi breakfast for us all: Akuri, bun maska, Irani chai and Meva cake. Dikra, hope you won’t be jarred, but we are serving chicken sausages and not pork ones today, in respect to the Iranian delegation. One has to be brave and in the face of such life’s inconveniences, Dikra! Also, to help ease the conversation, we have been drinking some chilled champagne; do help yourself to a glass”

“Welcome to our talks “ said M. Rubio, smiling at me and looking a bit drunk, “Any friend of dear Dhunjisha is a friend of the United States.”

“Salām-aleykom” said Abbas, bowing “The great people of Iran welcome the friend of most respected Dhunjisha to these talks”

“Now see here”, said Dhunjisha, pouring more champagne into everyone’s glasses, “Too much of chutiyagiri has gone on, and we need to close this peace pact fast!”

“Dhunji, we will bomb that country into the Stone Age if they don’t surrender”, said M.Rubio

“We will never surrender! We will win this holy war, the Strait of Hormuz will remain closed,” yelled back a tipsy Abbas

Dhunjisha closed his eyes, thumped the table and said, “Aata majhi Satakli, Enough!!! You ghelchodias are getting on my nerves! Abbas,

You will stop all this nuclear- shucklear nonsense. You will open that damn strait of Hormuz; it’s not your baap nu property ghelsuopa! Also, You will allow full freedom to your people in Iran, and even allow the girls there to wear mini skirts, what fatakris your Iranian girls are!”

“ Now, Rubio” continued Dhunjisha, “You will withdraw all troops and stop all bombings!, You will pay 3 billion dollars and allow Iran to sell oil cheaply to India. And your gahdero Trump will apologise publicly to the people of Iran!”

“No bloody arguments, no more discussions, no more chutyagiri! “ Said Dhunjisha

Both sides looked defeated.

Abbas drained his glass of champagne and spoke first “Dhunjishashh, the people of Iranshhh acsshept your terms; we will do all you say, but miniskirts are too much…can we please agree on midis? Hic!”

“Done!” Said Dhunjisha,

Rubio, also drunk, barely managed to stand up. “Dhunjissshhhh, hic! We also acceptshhh all your terms, but Trump will only apologise by way of a tweet and not in person”

“Accepted!” said Dhunjjsha. Now, please, for Khodia’s sake, shake hands and sign the papers

And do some kissi, koti! And hurry; the ‘Akuri’ is getting cold because you ghaderas took so much time.

Just then, another of our neighbours walked in

Dhunjisha smilingly introduced him!

“This is my dear friend and neighbour, Hormuz B.’… Naam samajyuke?! woh strait iske baap ka hai! “

# bits of beauty everywhere (#BOBE)