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The Parsi baugs are all in a frenzy. The entrances have huge torans (garlands adorning the gates).

Jer, Aloo, Freny, and Dolly are all at the beauty parlour, having their eyebrows threaded and hair blow dried. Tamaroo varus chhe? (Is it your birthday)? Asked one attendant; to get a terse reply: no darling.. We are going to the coronation?
What? But it is today, how will you reach? Aare, we are going to watch it on Pesi’s 42-inch TV.
We have ordered Godiwala’s special bhonu today. Royal pulav with Camilla kebab and Charles chicken. The dessert is Westminster pudding.
RTI has a special coronation quiche today with smoked salmon and Canterbury custard as dessert.

Aapro Charles ketla varas thobio (waited so many years), he really deserves the Crown.
Patience pays off. Beechari Diana would have made a better looking Queen, but what to do, she had mother in law problems and flew off the handle with that Egyptian.

Pesi in the meanwhile is hitting his set top box because the signal is weak and calling the Tata Sky Helpline. Tata ka naam kharab karta hai? Tum sab Madrasi log ko liya hai Ratan Saab ne.

Anyway, the signal is back and then rings the doorbell. Waiting out is the Bhonawala (man carrying the lunch).

After lunch everyone settles on the carved sofa in front of the 42 incher. Soo chariot chhe. Soo ghoda chhe safed dudh jewa (what a chariot, what horses, white as milk). Charles to ketlo handsome laagech. Peli Camilla to Mehra Madon jevi laagech. Koi bichari ne panyu nahi. (That Camilla looks like Mehra Madon.. No one married her).

Anyway, it will be a long afternoon and a long evening..

God save the King. Khodaiji, evan ne tandarosti aapjo. (God give him good health).

Post is purely a witty fiction.

An official portrait following the Coronation of King Charles III and Queen Camilla on 6th May.
An official portrait following the Coronation of King Charles III and Queen Camilla on 6th May.

Books available on Amazon Manna of the 21st Century: Parsi Cuisine Paperback Hardcover Indian Parsi Kitchen Celebrations: Celebrating Zoroastrian Festivals and Traditions Dhansak: Parsi Cuisine

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